4.09.2008

1st is the worst, 2nd is the best


I believe in second chances. Anyone can say that but I truly believe in it. Personal experiences have told me that you can start over, not every person will be mean, not every teacher excludes extra credit, not every sport will hurt you. Ok, so I'm making generalizations here, but in life don't we have to do that every now and then? [fallacies? probably]. Anyway...ever heard the saying "first is the worst, second is the best?" Well that's something I believe in. Sometimes things don't work out the first time because one piece of the puzzle was missing, something didn't fit quite right. Sometimes you need to take a step back and think about what could be fixed. Friendships, problems, relationships, they can all be evaluated and given a second chance.


There was one year that I simply could not stand to be around one of my friends. We never really talked about it but we could both tell that we weren't getting along very well. I knew that we needed to spend some time apart and I think she knew it as well. Luckily for us, the schedule makers at the middle school were on the ball and knew that we needed this break. They put us in different classes and we only saw each other in the hallways. Perfect, I remember thinking. After a while of this "separation" we realized how silly we both were being by getting on each other's nerves. After that year we were in classes together again, on and off for a few years. To this day we are still just as close as we were that first time. This rekindled friendship was our second chance, and we've both taken advantage of it. She's once again one of my best friends, the shoulder to cry on, the first person I would call if I needed something.


Other times I've given people second chances, and third, fourth, fifth, but after a while there's a limit to how many chances you can give a person. Many years ago I had a fight with one of my friends that indirectly put me into a fight with another one of my friends. This was the spark that ignited the fire of the end of a friendship that was never really rekindled. I will always have the countless memories of trips to the mall, swim meets, the pool, and the giant box of goldfish crackers. I've tried to give this person the second chance he deserves, but respect is a two way street. It's like this, I've built the fire pit, set up the wood, gotten the water bucket just in case, because my dad's a firefighter ya know. Now all that's left is to rekindle the fire. The matches are set out on the picnic table, now it's your turn. It's your job to light that fire, because I'm done trying. I've given you the second chance that I think you deserve. Just know that the door will always be open, the matches will always be left out, even in the rain.


Sometimes you aren't given a second chance and that's when you really start to regret things that have happened. After a loved one passes, there's always guilt to be felt. Unfortunately it usually falls on the ones who don't deserve it. I've only ever said this out loud once, but after my grandma died I seriously thought it was my fault. I was in 7th grade so I still didn't understand everything, as I still don't. Even years later I can still think of things that I know I wanted to tell her but I never got the chance to. I missed out on my second chance to tell her things, but the more I think about it, I really haven't. I believe that she's still here. My guardian angel.


Which leads me to my next example of second chances. [ok so it might be a little random but in my head it makes sense]. Freshman year was a bad year for me. After two accidents on horseback, or rather being thrown off horseback, I was terrified by horses. I could be around them but ask me to hold the rope or even get on one, and I was outta there. Until I was given my second chance. I moved to a new barn where I was taught a new way or riding and loving horses. And let me tell you, it was a great feeling. I was given that second chance and I took advantage of it.


Second chances don't always come around so when you're given one you should take full advantage of it. Before you know it, time will fly by and chances will be gone. From past experiences I've learned that every bad occurrence can be turned into a good one. That every cloud really does have a silver lining. And that second chances don't always come around and even though the first may be the worst, sometimes the second truly is the best.

8 comments:

theteach said...

I would like to add: If you want a second chance, or even a third or fourth one, ask for it. Do not think that there is but one chance. Oh, sure in some situations this may be the case, but often the second chance may be available.

Teachers are in the business of offering second or more opportunities. We never know how long it will take to bring a student to the level where he should be. I encountered a young man (college freshman) who could not always finish his courses. He would get to the end of the semester and disappear. He was an exceptional young man but feared failure. Yet he always created a failing environment. Most of his teachers were patient. Oh, he had to repeat courses, but eventually he completed the requirements for a BA in English and graduated. He went on to obtain a Masters in English and a Masters in Library Science. Today he works in a public library.

Part of the problem is deciding when to quit offering additional chances.

Your blog is impressive. You have deftly combined the generalizations with supporting examples. You do not leave your reader wondering, "What is this writer thinking? Where is the example?" You have kept your reader focused on your message. Today, I may find myself wondering about second chances. :)

Cpt. Pants said...

I really enjoyed your blog! Those inspirational ones always get to me…and yours was definitely inspirational! You used a couple of clichés but they worked because you gave them a different spin! Your line, “first is the worst, second is the best” truly made me think that the second time around can be even better than the first. It was also very important to realize that sometimes you need to limit your “second” chances and I was glad to see you acknowledge that.

I just have one question though. Has there ever been a time when you decided to give someone a second chance and it wasn’t for the best? Or did you ever take a second chance yourself and it just didn’t work out? I guess sometimes you just need that second chance to really know for sure if the first time should have been the last.

lil ray of sunshine said...

To theteach:

Thank you for the comment. The story about the college freshman is one I've heard way too often. I always find it disappointing when such promising students don't put forth the effect you know they are capable of.

You wrote "part of the problem is deciding when to quit offering additional chances." I used to have a big problem with that. I used to think that just because I was friends with someone in middle school meant that I should still be friends with them now, but I've learned better. I know I can think of one specific person [mentioned in the post] that I have given many "second" chances to and he has never taken them, so I stopped. Simple as that. Extremely hard as that, but I did it.

lil ray of sunshine said...

To cpt. pants:

Thanks for the comment. To answer your question, yes I'm sure there have been times when I've given someone or something a second chance and it didn't work out. Honestly, I can't think of anything right now. Actually I will probably think of something as soon as I post this comment, so be on the lookout for another comment.

I didn't used to believe in second chances. Atleast not all the time, but I guess somewhere along the line I realized that taking advantage of a second chance is really important. That's why I try to take advantage of every second chance I'm given, as I encourage everyone to do.

gatorade said...

Reading this really made me think about my life and all of the second chances I have given people or they have (or haven't) given me.
I am a firm believer in second chances and I know what it feels like to not be given a second chance. I often think of a situation where if I was just given one more chance, one more conversation, one more glance in my direction, then things would be completely different in my life.

I will always be someone who gives second chances and I see that you are too :)

lil ray of sunshine said...

To gatorade:

I'm glad that my blog was able to make you think like that. It's nice to know that other people feel the same way I do. There are so many times that I wish I could hit the rewind button and get that all too important second chance that never happened.

Sometimes I stop and think about how my life might be different if I had taken that second chance. It would be interesting to see what life could be like if we had made a different decision or talked to a different person. It really makes you think, huh?

Caitlan said...

You said your blog was lame :-P talk about needing to give second chances, give yourself a chance. You used so many examples from your own life that make it your blog a far more personal experience for the reader by establishing pathos. I know exactl what you meant about needing space from friends, and finding that sometimes all you can do is make it clear that the door is still open. It's so hard to have a friendship gone awry, and second chances are definitely a good thing to offer or be offered in those situations. I also can relate to the feeling at fault for the death of someone. i always find myself, upon the smell of this particular "aromatic elixer" that my Aunt Helen used to wear, wondering if I had visited her more would she have been able to pull through her illness. It's interesting how we always search for that one last straw that may salvage a relationship or could have prevented an event. I really enjoyed reading this post because it had a truthful, revealing quality to it that made it emotionally engaging.

lil ray of sunshine said...

To cinderella:

Ok you're right, I should give myself a second chance. I am usually too hard on myself. I'm glad you liked my post, and that you felt comfortable enough to share that story about your aunt. It's hard when you lose someone you care about and you think there's something you could have done about it. I think it's such an awful feeling to walk past that person in the hallway and not even acknowledge that you know them, or to be in a class with them and never talk. But hey, that's life.