Think Before You Speak!

king of anything.

2010-07-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Just thought i'd share, to whoever may be bored enough to want to read about my ramblings....anyway. there's a new song out by sara bareilles, and i'm in love. like seriously. Go look it up, it's called "King of Anything" and it's amazing. Not to mention that the music video and great, but the words are the best. It's like saying f*%$ you, but politely. And I wish I could be her.

olive garden

2010-06-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

"what i want and what i need has now become the same thing you've been offering."

-Daughty

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars. I could really use a wish right now."

-B.o.B.

"I'm putting on my shades to cover up my eyes, I'm jumpin' in my ride, I'm heading out tonight."

- Jason Derulo

I don't even know. I'm so done. I give up, and I don't care. If only I were a better liar than that....

what i want.

2010-06-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

I want to go to the beach and not get sun burn.

I want to have a job where I'm not considered the "newbie".

I want to drive the motorcycle everywhere I go.

I want to ride everyday and not be out of shape anymore.

I want a whole new wardrobe of clothes that will make me look good.

I want to be twenty-one and legal.

I want to pass all my classes in the fall.

I want to eat dinner at Sprague's.

I want my best friend back.

untitled.

2010-06-15T11:18:00.001-07:00

hmmm....what else is new? how about absolutely nothing. seriously. I'm still deathly afraid of making phone calls. I still can't handle hot temperatures without feeling like passing out. I still can't eat normal meals without feeling sick. And apparently I still can't finish a post...whatever...story of my life.

i can't do this all on my own, i'm no superman.

2010-05-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

ok, so maybe that was a Scrubs reference, but hey, I'm only human. And bored. Uber bored. And currently not wearing my signature horse shoe necklace, which is weird. I keep thinking it's there and reaching for it and it's gone. Granted it's on my dresser in my room, but still, it's not here. I guess that's how I'm feeling right now: like something is missing. The problem is, I know exactly what's missing, but I can't do anything about it. See it's different with this necklace. I know it's in my room, 10 steps away. I know that I can just get up and go get it, only I probably won't. Because this other thing that's missing, I can't just go get it and fix this problem. Because it's not up to me anymore. I just want to know, if we were in this together, then why do I feel like I'm the only one who's lost everything.

random thoughts

2009-12-03T18:08:00.000-08:00

"Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all"

-Boys Like Girls

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself 'I really wish i were them.'? Well I have, and i could make a list of the people I have thought that about. Or have you ever met someone and wished you were friends with them? Again, I could make a list of the people I have thought that about. In the end, you never do become friends with those people, you remain wishing you were friends with them. And in the end, the people who you thought had these perfect, wonderful lives, well it turns out they're just living a lie.

Speaking of lying; if there's one skill that's useful in this world it's the ability to tell a lie, and tell it properly so that people will believe you. The best one of all is: I'm fine. Every thing is fine. (Ha, as if.)

Sometimes people who are dating just stay together because it's convenient at the time. It'd be too complicated to break up. Maybe they're curious about someone new, but it's like going into outer space, yeah you're curious, but you know it's never going to happen. (sorry that I stole your line, it's a good one, and you always said I was a copy cat, so there you go.)

Curtis is in Iowa: Indiana / Ohio Border

2009-10-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

Curtis is in Iowa: Indiana / Ohio Border

back to school.

2009-08-26T19:12:00.001-07:00

back to school, and things seem to be going well so far. i'm not gonna lie, organic chem is going to kick my butt, but ill survive. sophomore year is my favorite year of college so far, thanks to a certain someone. bio should be interesting. but most importantly, i have friends.

day of truth.

2009-07-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

today marks three weeks since the volleyball incident. i decided that i'm going back to play this week, i'm just not going to be allowed to help set up the nets. our game plan: arrive ten minutes late as to avoid any hazards all together. hehe.

one frantic car ride, two volleyball net poles, three xrays, four staples, and five hours later.

2009-06-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

so i went to play volleyball last night. i was trying to be helpful, and where does that get me? a trip to the emergency room. woohoo.... this will be short since i'm not exactly in the mood for pouring my heart out.

instead, let's make a list of things i don't get to do now. a) no motorcycling for a few weeks. b) no driving for a few days. c) no swimming at kristie's grad party on friday. d) no being able to wash my own hair for a week. e) and since these staples are in the back of my head, i don't even get to see them. yes, i know, i should be more upset about that fact that i got hurt, but really, i just want to be able to see them, but no one has taken a good picture yet. oh well.

Cliche.

2009-05-08T11:06:00.001-07:00

Four down, one to go. That's the stereotypical response you would receive when you ask a college student how they're doing during finals week. That's so cliche, boring. No thanks. If you were to ask me how I'm doing, currently, I would probably answer as follows: All I have left is Biology, and then I can go home. Although, I do have to pack between now and Monday afternoon, but don't worry, I'll get there. This type of packing should be easier than most. Basically, take everything off the shelves, out of the closet, and empty all the drawers. Throw all my stuff into boxes, and tape them shut. The hard part comes when I have to carry all these boxes down a flight of stairs to my ready and waiting car.

This past year has been interesting, no doubt. Let's recap. I've made some great new friends as well as keeping the old ones that matter. Long distance friendships are difficult, especially when your main source of communication is Instant Messenger, but look, we've survived. We're still friends, and will be for a long time. This makes me smile.

As bored as I currently am, I thought this was going to be an uber long post, but it turns out it's going to be cut short. I'm just that bored; not a good this. Too much free time tends to make my mind wander, and I really dislike that.

two weeks notice.

2009-04-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

two weeks notice: there are two weeks of school left this semester. 5 days of classes followed by 5 days of review and finals. and then I get to go home. as much as I've been looking forward to finally being able to be home, I know I'm going to miss it here too. I've made some great friends over the past few months and I know I'm going to miss them all very much. Lucky for me, most of them live within a 4-5 hour driving radius from my house.

this past weekend and the days surrounding it have been pretty good though. let's recap: hot dog day weekend; friday and saturday. excellent. sunday was decent, nothing too exciting or depressing happened. monday was fun, went by quickly, and ended with a phone call on speaker phone to one of my best friends. haha, it was epic.

all in all, at this very moment, I am completely content with my life, which is not something I have said in a very long time.

mind reader

2009-03-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

today has been uniquely weird. first, we got let out of chemistry a few minutes early, then I actually understood what was taught in biology. then in piano, not only did we get let out a few minutes early, but I was actually able to play a new song and it sounded good. See, I am my own biggest critic, so for weeks now I've been saying how I can't play the piano, I'm so bad at it, yadda yadda, yadda... but I was pretty decent when it came to judging time.

so next was psych, which i got to early since I had more than 9 minutes to run across campus. i can't say psych was anything special, since only one person technically noticed my new hair color, and it wasn't even the person i wanted to notice it. we learned about sex. woo...it was...interesting. of course i sat there blushing and doing that 'nervous cough' thing i have. whatever. after that was lunch and then i ran back and forth between the student center and my dorm like fifty million times.

my equine science class was excellent. we studied for about ten minutes, then took a rather lengthy quiz, and then were released into the brisk alfred air after less than an hour of class time. it was rather exciting. back to campus, had to park in the boonies, but whatever, that happens on mondays. i called my mom as i walked back to my room and she told me i sounded 'chipper'. haha, that's funny.

the reason for this good mood today, i'm not entirely sure, but it might stem from my new hair color, or the fact that i went outside my comfort zone this weekend and hung out with some new people. played me some rock band, and rocked it.

but i have to say, the reason for this title is that as i was reading through my friend's blog, i read something that i was pretty interested with. a piece of advice he had given me back in January. It must've been getting closer to me having to go back to AU, and I was in a fit of depression. He was giving me advice about trying to be happier, which i always thought i should say right back to him. Then last week I had this crazy idea that if i copy/pasted the advice into an email and sent it back to him, it might do some good.

I never actually did send that email, but I had been thinking about it for a long time. so the whole mind reader thing, well it's because the day he posted on his blog, i'm pretty sure was the same day i was going to send that email. and i absolutely love when things like that happen. i don't believe in magic, but i do believe that if you have a strong enough relationship with someone, you can start to think very much alike.

back space.

2009-03-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish my mouth had a back space key. true story. apparently i've always had a problem with not filtering what i say. yeah, who knew. i guess when you're in 2nd grade and someone from the school suggests that your parents send you to see a therapist, there's a definite problem.

i remember those tuesdays when my mom used to pick me up from school early and i would go talk to this nice lady who would give me stickers when i said nice things about my brother. one thing i remember is that she made me create a chart that i had to write on every day. if it was a good day, i could draw a smiley face. if it was a bad day, i could draw a sad face. she also told me that if i ever got the urge to hit my brother, that i should sit on my hands. what a good idea.

as i got older, i found i still had a problem with filtering. i'm usually pretty good about filtering with my friends, but i rarely filter with my family. my theory on this is that my family won't disown me if i say something uber rude or whatever. but friends, they'll drop you in a second if you push them too far. i'm starting to realize this, yet when i get a thought in my head, i can't let it go, i have to say it. it's like trying to hold your breath for too long, eventually you just have to open your mouth and let it out.

i need to figure out how to stop being this way. i need to figure out a way to stop hurting the people i care about. but at the same time, does this mean i need to figure out a way to stop being me? i wish i had the answers...

life is good.

2009-03-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

today was a good day. the last 48 hours have been pretty good. I got go visit one of my very good friends at school, which also allowed me to see yet another college campus. after visiting a few friends at school, I am very happy with my college choice. my parents are glad to hear that, but more importantly, I'm glad that I made a good decision. so maybe I complain sometimes at being at school, but that's usually only on the weekends.

today was made even better by my visit to HP, where I got to see some of my high school teachers and some of my friends that are seniors this year. Time flies when you're having fun, which is pretty evident by my almost hour long conversation with one of my friends from high school.

then I went to the barn and rode my horse. well technically he's not mine anymore, but he'll always really be mine, because he loves me, and was very happy to have me ride him again. and my mom brought him a donut, so that made him happy too.

tonight i went out for dinner with another friend that I haven't seen in a while and got Rita's italian ice for dessert. sounds like a pretty good day huh? i think so.

all in all, right now, life is good.

i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

2009-03-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

only one more week to go, woohoo. if there's ever been a time when i need to go home, it's now. i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and i really just want to go home. there's only about 10 hours left of this weekend before i get to spend my next two weekends at home, and i couldn't be more excited.

did you know the pharmacy in town is closed on weekends? yeah, me either. it kinda sucks when you run out of tissues and your nose won't stop running. so i've been downing cough drops like it's my job. oh well...

Spring Break-itis

2009-02-26T09:22:00.000-08:00

You know how some people get Senioritis, that disease that hits around mid-January and lasts until summer? Well I'm convinced that there is a new disease to be research, and it's called Spring Break-itis. Yup, that's right. It can be brought about by gracious RAs that decide to tape the 'spring break sign out' sheet onto your door more than a week in advanced. Super.

Other cases can be brought about due to the fact that the weather has been gorgeous for two days in a row. That's right, yesterday and today, the sun has decided to shine down on our small little town.

Symptoms include: procrastination, laziness, sleepiness, a desire to skip classes for no apparent reason, and uncontrollable laughter. If you, or someone you know, is experiencing these symptoms, see a doctor immediately.

atheism.

2009-02-24T13:57:00.000-08:00

I never thought religion would be a huge barrier between friends, but now I feel like it might be. Ok, so it's not the biggest barrier, that would be me and my big mouth never knowing when to shut up. But religion has become an issue. What's the point in feeling special that my religion is different when it seems like it's causing more problems than it's worth. So it's not the actual religion that's causing problems, it's the understanding and misunderstanding of various religions. So now I'm questioning, what was the point of attending Hebrew School for so many years, if now I'm just going to wish that I was a different religion?

The thing about religion is that it's not something tangible like red hair, blue eyes, and glasses. It's something that can be altered throughout your life. I'm not saying I would change what I believe just to make someone else happy, but at the same time, what exactly do I believe? I'm not entirely sure. How am I supposed to believe that there's someone out there watching over me, who allows such horrible things to happen in my life? [and I'm not just talking about right now] You can't honestly want me to believe that there's a reason for everything, because that means that there's a reason my grandma had to die, or my grandpa that I never met. Sorry, but I'm just not buying that "everything happens for a reason" philosophy.

Atheism sounds pretty good right about now.

Happy Mardi Gras.

Today.

2009-02-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry. This is for you. You don't have to talk to me now, I'll understand. When you're ready.

Today has been...interesting. So glad it's half over.

Saturdays...

2009-02-22T07:24:00.001-08:00

If you were to ask me what my least favorite day of the week is, I would most likely tell you Saturday. Maybe Sunday, but probably Saturday. That sounds crazy, right? Well you have met me, right? For the most part, I answer this way because Saturday is usually a homework day. Yesterday, I managed to leave my dorm once, to get breakfast, and that was it. Sounds like a fun filled day, huh? Not really. I sit around all day contemplating doing my homework, thinking that if I stare at it long enough, it will miraculously just get done by itself. Wishful thinking, I know. My roommate said I should have a fun weekend, go hang out with friends, go see a movie, whatever. Well to be honest, I don't have that many friends here in which to hang out with. I don't feel like driving 20 minutes in a freezing cold car to a movie theatre, or walking 10 minutes in the freezing cold across campus to the performing arts building.

Ok, so call me lazy, it's true, I am. I am also one of the best procrastinators I know. What's my technique? Sleeping. When I get bored or frustrated or whatever, I'll take a nap. At home it used to be watching tv, but here at school, you can often find me taking a nap when I should be doing homework that's usually due the next day.

Someone should do an experiment. Ask me a question during the week day and write down my answer. Then ask me the same question during the weekend, and I can almost guarantee you that my weekend answer will be way more depressing and pessimistic. Haha, someone should really conduct that experiment, but then again, they'd probably have me committed....

flip flops...?

2009-02-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

So as I'm sitting here defrosting, I thought I might as well use my time wisely. Why am I defrosting? Well I had made plans to study with a fellow student for an upcoming Psychology test at the library. We said we'd meet at 11 on Sunday morning, sounds perfect, right? Wrong. The library opens at 12 on Sundays, a little piece of information that had slipped my mind. So as I stood there outside the library for about 20 minutes, debating with my mom via cell phone whether or not I should wait or leave, I got a tad bit chilly. The view from my dorm room window had been lying. It made me believe that the temperature today was as inviting at the 55* of yesterday. It's actually not that warm today, so my feet got kinda raw standing outside in flip flops for that length of time.

By now I'm pretty much defrosted, and getting ready to trudge over to the library yet again. Probably gonna wear shoes and socks this time...

home sweet home

2008-12-13T18:24:00.001-08:00

there's no place like home for the holidays. ok, so that's cheesy, and i guess i kinda stole it from a song. anyway... i'm finally home, and i couldn't be any happier. granted i'm gonna miss all my college friends, and yes, even chem labs, but i'm still really glad to be home. after a 5+ hour drive home, it feels good to have my own room, and be back in my own house.

biology, chemistry

2008-11-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

biology....is a pain...wow...chemistry...is by far my favorite subject [no thanks to my high school teacher].

it's snowing.

2008-11-17T08:36:00.000-08:00

oh yeah, it's snowing. we got about 2" last night, pretty sweet, huh? i know, you're all jealous. i'm pretty excited, not gonna lie. today would be awesome, if i didn't kinda tick off one of my very good friends last night. so even if that person isn't going to read this, i'm sorry. i'm very sorry.

it's raining...

2008-11-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

It's raining; gross. It's raining, but it's not quite warm and it's not quite cold. It's right in the middle. Which is annoying. this is western NY, after Halloween, it's supposed to be snowing non-stop. Whatever. Wet pant legs are by far my biggest pet peeve [yup, they even top the list before my brother.]

Since I've mentioned pet peeves, let's dive into some of my other quirks.

I don't like being in a classroom alone, especially the lecture hall.

Boats scare me. I think I'm going to fall off and drown, even if I'm wearing a life jacket.

Waffle and chocolate ice cream sandwiches are the best desserts you can make in a dining hall.

...more to come later.

halloween.

2008-10-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently once you get to college, Halloween becomes cool again. Granted I didn't get into the spirit or dress up, I did claim to be a "high school student" when asked the question 'what are you?' Whatever... People actually dress up, or down, which ever you like. There's fun, safe activities... like the haunted house in the gym, where they broke a window. Or you can drive to the next town over and pay for their haunted house, where they make you walk thru and dark hallway and up and down stairs with strobe lights. See; fun and safe.

One thing they don't do around here though, is goosey night. Or, uh, mischief night. No one calls it goosey night, except for me, and I don't even know where I got that term from.

tuesday.

2008-10-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

normally i'm not a fan of tuesdays, since i have every class plus my uber boring biology lab, but today was unusually better. why?

well if you were thinking it had something to do with the fact that we got out of chemistry early, that might be it.

if you were thinking it had something to do with the fact that we got a break during sociology, that might be it.

if you were thinking it had something to do with the fact that we watched a video in english so i didn't have to listen to my teacher's annoying voice for 50 minutes, that might be it.

but all in all, it's because today is the first official snowfall of the season. ok, so it's not sticking and it's not even that cold, but it's still snow. and i love that.

welcome to college life 4.

2008-09-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

Well we are now past the one month mark, and low and behold, I am actually starting to enjoy it here. My parents brought up the Jeep last weekend, which has already proved itself useful. So I'm pretty happy about that. Today my friends and I are planning a trip into the next town over to go to not-Wal*Mart and Wegman's. I'm pretty excited; not gonna lie.

Classes have been going pretty well so far. I've successfully passed all three of my exams so far. That's the funny thing about college, they don't call it a test, but rather an exam. Whatever, they're still annoying.

English is.....well it's english. It makes me miss last year's AP Lang like crazy. Sociology is pretty cool, my teacher never ceases to surprise us. Biology is not as hard as I thought it would be. The only down side is this one lab project that we're doing. We have to grow plants for the entire semester and chart their growth and lots of other stuff. Oh joy. By far, my favorite class has to be Chemistry. Not only do we get to blow things up in class, but on Thursday mornings when I have to be in lab by 8:20, at least there is an extremely cute TA to help us out. Hehe, yeahhhh...

Well, life of a college student, enough said. I've off to breakfast now, then going shopping later. Fun fun.

welcome to college life 3.

2008-09-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

First of all, thanks for the comments, they make me feel better. Second of all, these last two days have been excellent. Each day just keeps getting better and better. That's not to say that I can't wait to go home and see my family and friends, and of course, my Joseph. But I'm doing a lot better here. Today was good. This morning, one of my floormates asked if I wear colored contacts, I said no, she said that was "impressive". Implying that I have nice eyes, not a bad way to start out the day.

But the icing on the cake has to be this: next weekend is parents' weekend and my parents are bringing up my car. Ok, well it's not actually my car, it's my dad's car. But he's getting a new truck for work so I can have his Jeep [which by the way is the best car in the entire world.]. The fact that my parents are going to sell Fratelli [what I have affectionately named my truck] doesn't bother me all that much. A Jeep is going to be so much easier to parallel park than my tank of a truck. So now I won't be stuck in the middle of Nowhere, NY. Awesome. And I can go to WalMart. Even better.

There's so much to do here, so now I'm off to see Get Smart for $2, can't beat that!

welcome to college life 2.

2008-09-04T17:20:00.001-07:00

well things seem to be getting a little better. I no longer wake up with the thought of "oh crap, I'm still here." No, instead I wake up thinking "yes, one day closer to going home." Still not the best outlook on life, but hey, I felt content before 11:00 this morning, we're making progress.

One thing I've learned, however; is that college students master the art of multi tasking. Now I'm not just saying texting your buddy while you watch tv. No, we college students are able to: do laundry, homework, blogging, and IMing....all at one time. No joke.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that all dark, stormy, rainy, heavy clouds....really do come with a silver lining. Yeah, that sounds good.

welcome to college life.

2008-08-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

So if you ask me how I'm doing, my answer can vary in a number of different directions. If I've just come from Biology, I'll tell you that I'm coming home in October and not coming back. If you ask me after Chemistry, I'll tell you that I think I'm going to enjoy my classes. If you ask me after Sociology, I'll tell you that my teacher reminds me of Mrs. Henry, acting like Mr. Ryan. And if you ask me after English, er rather Writing II, I'll tell you that it should be a breeze compared to AP Lang. Not that I'm complaining, but rather thanking Ms H for the excellent job she did in preparing me for this year's English class.

Yes, I still feel homesick, and yes, I miss my friends terribly, but I guess I'm starting to realize that life moves on, and things will change. I'm not happy about it, but it's there.

One good thing has come out of this college thing so far...corporalcadet. Look him up on YouTube and I guarantee you'll be laughing. I know I was.

Hope everyone else is having a better time than I am.

These things will change...

2008-08-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in my room three days before I embark on a new chapter of my life, the new Taylor Swift song is playing on my itunes. Go ahead, think I'm lame for starting out my newest post like that, but it's ok. I haven't been on this site since the end of school and then I started to realize, I have this blog that I can put to good use. What is that good use you ask? Well I don't exactly know yet, but hopefully I'm going to figure it out soon.

I think the reason for this post right now is to thank all my friends for being the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. They have helped me through so much and I just want to thank them all for that. I don't know if any of them are going to read this but that's ok because it's still here, and I think that's all that matters.

I'm not going to go through each person and list how they've helped me over the years. First of all, that's immensely cliche. Second of all, that's immensely unsafe. So instead I'm going to write a few thank yous, if you think they apply to you, then good, and thank you. And if you think they don't apply to you, then find one that does, although most of these will apply to everyone. Ok, here goes...

Thank you for being there when I need to confess things.

Thank you for helping me with homework when I almost feel like crying from feeling so stupid.

Thank you for always talking to me in class no matter how mean you think I'm being that day.

Thank you for forgiving me when I make sarcastic comments about pretty much anything.

Thank you for making me feel wanted by asking me to buy lunch with you everyday.

Thank you for always getting excited when I brought oreos to calc.

Thank you for calling me at 11:30 at night when you had questions about Lang.

Thank you for driving around with me to deliver cookies and graffiti everyone's cars.

Thank you for trusting me to drive you to school even in the middle of winter, with the ice, that one time.

Thank you for the Converse, I'm pretty sure they're coming to school with me.

Thank you for the cute black shoes that I borrowed every month, they're coming to school with me too.

Thank you for making me feel like a 10 even after mock trial competitions.

Thank you for making me feel like part of a family. [this is to all the mockers.]

Thank you for being a Snowboard Warrior with me.

Thank you for exposing me to those ridiculous movies that I loved.

Thank you for never judging and always being honest no matter what.

thank you for being you.

I love you all no matter where life takes us. Always remember that.

Spreading the Word...

2008-06-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

Spreading the word...check this out for some random Curtis-ness. [it's actually his job, enjoy!]

I predict...

2008-04-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

Upon reading the article, The Two Futures: A.P. 632 and 1894, I can't help but notice more and more similarities between the two books. I can clearly remember reading 1984 and thinking to myself how similar the two stories are. I also remember comparing the two story lines and characters between the two novels. They are both very similar and extremely different at the same time.

These two novels were written at different times and depict two futuristic societies situated in different times, however they are still very similar to each other, and another novel of the same genre, entitled We by Evgenii Zamiatin. Orwell claims that Huxley must have plagiarized ideas for Brave New World from this novel, however, it was confirmed by a common acquaintance of the two that " 'Drieu la Rochelle told me the other day that in course of a conversation with Huxley he asked him whether he had read We; he had not read it which proves these ideas are in the air we breathe,' " (122). Thus proving that we all take ideas from some common place that isn't exactly known.

One main idea in both novels is the caste system. In Huxley's novel, the people of this utopia are created that way. They are created to be put into different levels of living. In Orwell's novel it is slightly different. They are naturally born, instead of 'grown', but are still placed into certain levels of society. As this article states "Furthermore, the highest caste in a future dictatorship, whether along Orwell's lines or Huxley's own, can never be ''tame"-- that is, it can never be fully conditioned and brainwashed in the way the lower castes can, because the administrative caste must always retain the capacity to new and unexpected situation," (120-121). After reading these novels, especially the caste system in Brave New World, I feel grateful to be in what I consider the higher level of knowledge. One time, not too long ago, I was able to figure something out with cognitive reasoning and I felt thankful that I was able to understand it.

Another theme shared between the two novels is the end of individualism. I would like to think of myself as an individual, I mean, my friends always tell me that there is no one else quite like me. In bother "Huxley's and Orwell's future states are alike in abominating nothing more than the individual, and the plots of both novels are fundamentally accounts of how individuals or potential individuals are destroyed, exiled, or made to conform," (126). I find it so upsetting when people change and conform to society. They stop being themselves and start being who others want them to be. In this case, others are the governing bodies of their worlds.

To tie up some loose ends, Brave New World and 1984 are extremely similar in many aspects. They share ideas of utopia societies that have gone awry because of a few rebellious characters. Both societies deal with extreme caste systems that deal with many different levels of intelligence, etc. There are also issues dealing with conforming to society in both of these novels. As similar as I originally thought these two novels are, they each have their own ideas that are specific to each author.

1st is the worst, 2nd is the best

2008-04-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

I believe in second chances. Anyone can say that but I truly believe in it. Personal experiences have told me that you can start over, not every person will be mean, not every teacher excludes extra credit, not every sport will hurt you. Ok, so I'm making generalizations here, but in life don't we have to do that every now and then? [fallacies? probably]. Anyway...ever heard the saying "first is the worst, second is the best?" Well that's something I believe in. Sometimes things don't work out the first time because one piece of the puzzle was missing, something didn't fit quite right. Sometimes you need to take a step back and think about what could be fixed. Friendships, problems, relationships, they can all be evaluated and given a second chance.

There was one year that I simply could not stand to be around one of my friends. We never really talked about it but we could both tell that we weren't getting along very well. I knew that we needed to spend some time apart and I think she knew it as well. Luckily for us, the schedule makers at the middle school were on the ball and knew that we needed this break. They put us in different classes and we only saw each other in the hallways. Perfect, I remember thinking. After a while of this "separation" we realized how silly we both were being by getting on each other's nerves. After that year we were in classes together again, on and off for a few years. To this day we are still just as close as we were that first time. This rekindled friendship was our second chance, and we've both taken advantage of it. She's once again one of my best friends, the shoulder to cry on, the first person I would call if I needed something.

Other times I've given people second chances, and third, fourth, fifth, but after a while there's a limit to how many chances you can give a person. Many years ago I had a fight with one of my friends that indirectly put me into a fight with another one of my friends. This was the spark that ignited the fire of the end of a friendship that was never really rekindled. I will always have the countless memories of trips to the mall, swim meets, the pool, and the giant box of goldfish crackers. I've tried to give this person the second chance he deserves, but respect is a two way street. It's like this, I've built the fire pit, set up the wood, gotten the water bucket just in case, because my dad's a firefighter ya know. Now all that's left is to rekindle the fire. The matches are set out on the picnic table, now it's your turn. It's your job to light that fire, because I'm done trying. I've given you the second chance that I think you deserve. Just know that the door will always be open, the matches will always be left out, even in the rain.

Sometimes you aren't given a second chance and that's when you really start to regret things that have happened. After a loved one passes, there's always guilt to be felt. Unfortunately it usually falls on the ones who don't deserve it. I've only ever said this out loud once, but after my grandma died I seriously thought it was my fault. I was in 7th grade so I still didn't understand everything, as I still don't. Even years later I can still think of things that I know I wanted to tell her but I never got the chance to. I missed out on my second chance to tell her things, but the more I think about it, I really haven't. I believe that she's still here. My guardian angel.

Which leads me to my next example of second chances. [ok so it might be a little random but in my head it makes sense]. Freshman year was a bad year for me. After two accidents on horseback, or rather being thrown off horseback, I was terrified by horses. I could be around them but ask me to hold the rope or even get on one, and I was outta there. Until I was given my second chance. I moved to a new barn where I was taught a new way or riding and loving horses. And let me tell you, it was a great feeling. I was given that second chance and I took advantage of it.

Second chances don't always come around so when you're given one you should take full advantage of it. Before you know it, time will fly by and chances will be gone. From past experiences I've learned that every bad occurrence can be turned into a good one. That every cloud really does have a silver lining. And that second chances don't always come around and even though the first may be the worst, sometimes the second truly is the best.

Mail order babies? What is this world coming to...?

2008-03-08T16:18:00.000-08:00

In reading Brave New World, the reader can glimpse into the future and see what could happen if society continues in the direction it is headed. "Until a few years ago, making a baby boy or a baby girl was pretty much a hit-or-miss affair. Not anymore," (Lemonick). What a true statement. With new developments in science it is becoming easier and easier to create children rather than leave it all up to chance. One critic commented that it will soon become like choosing a car with a checklist of options on a couple's new "designer baby." Although genetically engineering children has its positives in the medical world, flaws exist because the individual personality has the potential to override these advances.

With these new advances we need to ask the question: where should we draw the line? "As medicine redraws the map of what's possible when it comes to making children, we all have an interest in asking how far we should be allowed to go," (Gibbs). In Brave New World, everything about each individual person is carefully controlled when they are constructed. They are 'born' into a caste system society where everyone knows their place, or their ranking, in life. Everything is controlled from what a person will look like to their mental capacity. No one thinks for themselves, but only believes what they are told over and over again through Hypnopadia. One thing that is not taken into account is individual personality.

Scientists are probably jumping for joy that they can now identify in the earliest stages of development about a dozen of the most serious genetic diseases. This will greatly help in the medical field, but there are so many other variables to consider. Personality of each individual person, as of right now, cannot be created. "The gene or combination of genes responsible for most of our physical and mental attributes hasn't even been identified yet, making the moot the idea of engineering genes in or out of a fetus," (Lemonick). Personality, attitude, opinions, these are all mental capacities and this cannot be controlled by genetics. Parents may select their ideal traits for their child but the human mind is a complicated place. It has the potential to do anything, to think anyway it wants, to override any 'programing' it wants.

Someone once noted how extraordinary it is, that scientists know more about the surface of the moon than they do the surface of the human brain. The complex workings of this vital organ are still a very big mystery to us all. It is, however, the switchboard that controls the body, and therefore has the ability to create a personality to override any advances in science. In the foreword to the 1946 edition of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley said "...Great is truth, but even greater from a practical point of view is silence about truth..." The truth is, flaws exist in every society no matter how perfect it may seem on paper. The same can be said about a person.

Parents may pick out the 'perfect' traits for their child. Blond or brown hair, blue or green eyes, tall or short, tan in the sun or burn, all these options, too many options. These advances in science will have its benefits such as ruling out various genetic diseases and helping children have a healthier life, but that is where the line should be drawn. Parents shouldn't go around thinking they can create a child any way they want it. A computer can be created from a checklist with things like screen size, memory, processor speed. New software can be installed on a computer that can override its previous programming. Children are far from computers, but individual personality has the potential to override all the predetermined factors and show the flaws that are present in any system.

what's wrong with this picture??

Works Cited

Gibbs, Nancy. "Wanted: Someone to Play God." Time 3 March 2008: 68.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/jgr/lowres/jgrn482l.jpg

http://www.eugenics.net/papers/quotes.html

Huxley, Aldous. Brave New World. New York, NY: Harper Perennial, 2006.

Lemonick, Michael D. "Designer Babies." Time 11 January 1999. 7 March 2008. http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,989987,00.html

Excited much!?

2007-12-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

I guess I am starting to take after my cousin and am using my blog for my ramblings and all. things that I feel I need to tell someone about, so whoever is reading this, I thank you. Leaving for vacation and I could not be more excited! So far this week has been primarily good. Between watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas in health, to the awesome Mock Trial scrimmage today. [which we utterly and completely won, by the way.] Way to go fellow mockers!!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-05T18:26:00.000-08:00

So I just thought I should let everyone out there know...when I get nervous, I ramble. And I talk extremely fast. Not just "I need to tell you this because it's urgent" fast, but so fast that I don't even realize I'm talking so fast and someone has to tell me to slow down. And to make matters worse, I start rambling about things that don't even make sense. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Oh, and it's usually only in front of large groups of people. [Large being 10+] Since this happened twice today, I think it's becoming a pattern. No public speaking in the future for me, oh well.

Happy 2nd night of Hanukah!!

Givethanksing

2007-11-20T05:12:00.001-08:00

Sorry, I couldn't help myself, this was just too good to ignore. :-)

Thanksgiving

2007-11-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, well let's start with a list of things that I'm thankful for. Generic things, but I'll expand, don't worry. I'm thankful for my family, the friends, for being free and living in a free country, my horse, my car, and I'm sure that I'll think of more as I go along.

So I'm thankful for my family. But more importantly, I'm thankful that I get along with my family. My mom and I get along and I can relate to my dad easily because we are both the youngest child in our families. My brother and I act like siblings, annoying and bickering when we are together but caring and respectful when it really matters. He's always the first person taking pictures at a special time like the NHS induction or my 8th grade graduation.

My family is not limited to just my parents and brother, but extends to all aspects of my family. I have members of my family who aren't even blood related, but are more a part of my life than actual cousins or aunts and uncles. I'm thankful for these members of my family as well.

I'm thankful for my friends. I have the type of friends that can call each other losers and nerds and stuff like that, but you know that they love you anyway. They're the type of people that would pull your chair away as you go to sit down, laugh, then make sure that you're ok. And I know that I can always talk to them about anything. They're also the type of friends where we can not see each other for weeks at a time, like over the summer, but when we start hanging out it's like a day hasn't gone by.

I think I have to say here that I'm thankful for my past and my future to come. Everything that I've done in my past has helped mold me into the person I am today. Sometimes I don't like this person that I've become, but I think I'm a pretty good version of what I am. Sorry if that sounds confusing. Even though I hated the big fight I had with two of my friends in 8th grade, it really helped me see what matters. And see who is really going to stay friends with you or just fizzle out. Why boys really aren't a good thing to fight about. Sorry, again, if that offends anyone.

We started talking about this next topic in Psychology last week. Being thankful for being free. We live in a country where you can pretty much do whatever you want, but with limits. I'm not saying that I can go rob a bank and get away with it, but as far as school goes, I am not required to say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning. I mean, yes, I have to stand up and be respectful, but I don't have to say it. And I'm thankful for that.

On a different note, I'm thankful that my parents decided to raise their family in the country. I love being able to see the sky at night and the stars. My mom always tells me about how she loved working in the city for a few years. Her family had a small apartment in the city and she told me how she used to live there part time in the summer. But seriously, I don't like the city. [referring to NYC of course.] It's too big, too busy, too loud, too polluted. I love being able to breath in fresh air, see cows in the fields near my house no matter where I go. [Thank you Erin for proof reading this!]

As cheesy as it sounds, I'm thankful for my horse, Joseph. He's like a best friend that never complains because obviously he can't talk back. I'm sure almost every little girl has dreamed of owning a pony and riding around their neighborhood. Some of us are lucky enough to grow up and get a horse of their own. Now he's not exactly mine, but for the most part he is. My name is on the nameplate on his stall door as the owner. And that makes me smile more than anything. I heard someone say that "horse girls" [as we are affectionately called sometimes] know what they want. They take control of almost every situation and they do what they have to get what they want. I guess that's true, and I guess I've never realized why I like to be the leader in a group. I guess there's something to be said for the fact that as a sport I like to ride a 2,000 lbs. animal. Ok, so maybe Joseph isn't that big, but Oliver is, and I've ridden him.

I think here is where I should add that I'm thankful for my riding instructor who has shown me a whole new way of riding and loving horses. Between March and May of Freshman year I was thrown off two horses and got hurt pretty bad. The first time I didn't think anything of it, but the second time was quite different. I call it the "Shorty Incident" but I don't expect anyone else to understand that. This horse I was riding, Shorty, took off with me on him. He ran out of the ring and kept on running for about 2 miles until he decided to stop and visit with a random pony he saw in a field on a road near by. I, needless to say, bailed out pretty quickly, jumping off the horse as he ran into my mom's car and kept going. Ok, anyway, I'm thankful that I wasn't hurt too seriously, just a lot of bruises,[well actually I didn't even bruise that time. Weird since I fell into a gravel parking lot] a trip to the hospital, A LOT of x-rays, and a crazy x-ray technician who made racecar sounds as he pushed my bed through the building into the x-ray room. Let me get more specific about the number of x-rays. The first time I got thrown off I suffered a fracture in my back and a whole bunch more x-rays. After that, the orthopedist [the bone doctor] discovered that I had a slight case of scoliosis and said I needed even more x-rays.

Ok, I'm definitely rambling now so I'll stop. But really I'm thankful for second chances. I guess the main second chance I'm thankful is the second chance I've gotten to love horses and to love riding. And I'm pretty sure I've reached my "I'm not afraid of anything anymore" point, my "just get over it" point, and I'm grateful for that. Because now I can enjoy riding even more. Right, I'm rambling. Ok the next thing I'm grateful for....

I'm thankful for my car, or uh, truck rather. My parents kind of spoil me so they helped me pay for my vehicle. I'm thankful that they trust me enough to let me drive around on my own. I'm thankful that they understand the demands of where we live and made sure that I got a vehicle with 4-wheel drive. I know 4-wheel drive will not protect me from everything, but it gives me the confidence to drive carefully and safely in bad weather. I must be a decent driver if my friend trusted me enough to drive her to school on Monday when it was snowing.

I know most of the things on my list are pretty generic and apply to most people. But other things on my list are different and specific to me. I guess I'll just sum up the things on my list. My family, My friends and the friendships I've created throughout the years, my past and my future, my country and where I live, my horse, new opportunities, second chances, and my car. I'm sure I could go on and on for a pretty long time but I won't bore anyone who's going to read this.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!

Social Issues in The Glass Castle

2007-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

There were so many social issues presented in The Glass Castle but I'd like to focus on one. Education, or the lack of. Jeannette and her siblings were denied a proper education because of her parents' life style. They were constantly moving around because of her father and don't even get me started on their Bi Polar mother. It just wasn't fair to these kids the way their parents moved around so much that they never got a proper education.

I think parents involvement in their children's education has a big influence on the outcome. If a parent is involved, asks about their child's homework, how their day was, etc., the child will do better in school because their parent actually cares. On the flip side, if a parent never shows interest in their child's school work, the child may feel that they don't have to try as hard because the parent won't care about the outcome. But this can also work the other way. A child may feel driven to make a better life for themselves despite what their parents care about.

Another negative affect on the Walls children is what would happen to them if they had to take a Standardized Test? They have been moved around so much that they are learning different things and for a very short amount of time. I'm sure there were even places that they lived when their parents didn't even sign them up for school. It's lucky for the Walls children that they were all smart for their ages. They were able to help their mother grade papers when she didn't want to and got into one of her moods when she hated being a teacher and didn't want to do anything.

One of the times that the Walls children suffer in school because of their constant moving around is when their mom takes Jeannette and Brian to sign them up for school and she tells the principal how smart her children are, but they can't understand what he is saying because of his accent. He puts them into the slow classes because he feels that they are dumb, but really they just can't understand him. How unfair is that? Because the parents are moving around all the time their children are denied a proper education.

I'm so glad that Jeannette and her siblings are able to escape their past and turn their lives into something good. Yes, she does sometimes feel guilty that she lives in a fancy apartment while her parents lived on the street, but those are the lives they have all chosen for themselves. Jeannette was able to overcome her past and her lack of education as a child to become successful. That should be the result of children whose parents don't care about their education, but unfortunately many children fall into a routine of falling in their parents' footsteps.

The Glass Castle Mini Movie

2007-10-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

So I watched that little video about Jeannette Walls that Ms.H has posted on her blog. First I'd like to start off by saying that my internet was not cooperating at all and got me very upset, so I had to watch the video 5 seconds at a time. So I apologize if I butcher any of the meanings of Ms. Walls' words.

Ok, now I'd like to use a quote that Ms.H said in class the other day. "A dysfunctional family, the gift that keeps on giving." How appropriate. I mean honestly, a normal family is a boring memoir. The things that happened to the Walls children is quite different and makes for a great memoir. There is so much going on in the book that I almost feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I want to explain a small scene of the book to my mom, but I can't explain that little part without explaining half the chapter before it. It's crazy how it's all tied together.

Next I'd like to quote one of my friends. The other day she said "You shouldn't care what other people think. Don't let their opinions influence you." And I wish I could live by that motto, but I can't. I know I'm affected by peer pressure, media pressure, etc. So anyway...this made me think of Rex and Rose Mary Walls. They never seemed to care what anyone thought of them. I think Ms. Walls hits the nail on the head when she talks in the video about seeing her mother on the street when she was on her way to the party. I believe this is also the first scene in the book . She recalls being nervous about people asking her why this homeless woman knows her, and she said she would be embarrassed of what other people think. And this quote come to mind. You shouldn't care what other people think. You should care what you think of yourself. Jeannette's mother was happy living on the streets and no one else's opinion could change that.

I started writing this post a few days ago and stopped to think. So if I contradict myself or anything of the sort, I apologize in advance. I was just on NiceNet [ok, call me a nerd] and I looked at the page for the 12A class reading "The Glass Castle". Only one person had posted so far and they wrote about how it was a little slow in the beginning. I reassured them that it would turn out to be a great book. I wrote about how the attitudes of the entire family plays a big part in the story. The father seemed optimistic at times, like when he wasn't drunk. The mother went from one extreme to the other. I just thought that this little video tied together what I was trying to say. Have a good attitude and don't worry about what other people think about you, just worry about what you think of yourself.

Ok, I think I'm done.

Courage or No Courage? That is the Question...

2007-10-04T08:34:00.001-07:00

It seems that courage is really important to al the soldiers in this book, and I guess that makes sense. Who would want to go to war and be labeled a “coward.” I mean, could you imagine having all your friends making fun of you for being afraid to shoot someone, or running away when things started to get real bad? I don’t think I’ve ever been called a coward before but I know I’ve been called a quitter, and that made me feel really bad about myself. I guess you could say it’s along the same lines. I think having no courage at all is kind of like giving up on something.

Courage is defined as “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery” according to Dicitonary.com. These soldiers were definitely facing difficulty, danger, and pain through out the story and the war. The pain, however, was both physical and emotional. They had to deal with the physical pain, such as when Tim describes what it felt like when he got shot, or the emotional pain that goes with losing a friend.

Norman Bowker is a prime example a person with courage but someone who did not reach their full potential to act on that courage. When they are being fired upon in the s**t field and Kiowa sinks below the surface, Norman tries to save his friend. He tries really hard to pull Kiowa out but then Norman starts to slide under and has to let go.

I think the hardest part for Norman Bowker about the night Kiowa died is that he wasn’t as courageous as he could have been. He could have tried harder to save his friend. He could have gotten the attention of another guy and they could have pulled Kiowa out together. But instead he lost his friend that night. He talks about what happened that night in this paragraph:

He would’ve talked about this, and how he grabbed Kiowa by the boot and tried to pull him out. He pulled hard but Kiowa was gone, and then suddenly he felt himself going, too. He could taste it. The s**t was in his nose and eyes. There were flares and mortar rounds, and the stink was everywhere—it was inside him, in his lungs—and he could no longer tolerate it. Not here, he thought. Not like this. He released Kiowa’s boot and watched it slide away. Slowly, working his way up, he hoisted himself out of the deep mud, and then he lay still and tasted the s**t in his mouth and closed his eyes and listened to the rain and explosions and bubbling sounds.

He was alone.

He had lost his weapon but it did not matter. All he wanted was a bath.

Nothing else. A hot soapy bath. (149-150)

At this point, I don’t think Norman really cared about courage, or the lack thereof. Later on, I think he realized that he was not courageous at that moment and felt ashamed of himself. No one blamed him for Kiowa’s death, but there was still blame to be put somewhere. He was afraid of what the other soldiers would say about him.
But then again, I wasn’t there. I was never a soldier, so my opinion of courage and what it means is completely different than someone who actually went to war and experienced something like this.